What do mothers struggle with?
The Short Answer…Alot! But the Blessings Outweigh the Challenges
Obviously this is a loaded question, but let me be brutally honest. Mothers struggle with so many different conflicting emotions it’s tough to explain it in just a few sentences. But I’ve been there and I know there are a lot of layers that go into what mothers struggle with on a daily basis. I think the easiest way to digest this information is to categorize it by feelings of guilt, anxiety, stress, and loneliness.
Guilt
Mom guilt feels like a curse! Every mom goes through it and frankly it sucks. In my own experience with mom guilt, I struggled daily with these feelings of guilt. Guilty that I’m not doing enough with my kids and guilty I’m not doing enough around the house, and guilty I’m just simply not enough. It’s like I carried this invisible badge of dishonor that read in bold capital letters GUILTY! Every decision I made for my family was under scrutiny. I didn’t know how to talk to myself in a kind and loving way. My self-compassion was non-existent. I struggled with my idea of how a perfect mom should be and I couldn’t live up to my own unrealistic expectations of motherhood.
Anxiety
I worried for my children’s health and safety constantly! I remember catastrophizing every little cough or cold. I worried constantly if my baby was breathing through the night. I worried if I was being too strict with my son, or the completely opposite I was giving in too much. Anxiety is a tireless cycle of worry for the present moment and worry for the future. I lived in constant worry all the time and I couldn’t help but think if I was being a good enough mom to my kids and a good enough wife to my husband. Anxiety is so challenging to navigate alone and it can feel very overwhelming and mentally exhausting.
Stress
Sleep deprivation, overstimulation, energetic and emotionally charged children, and the never ending to-do list are just a few things that can cause stress in motherhood. Some mothers have the privilege of getting support from a postpartum doula or other family members but that of course still does not take the stress of motherhood away. But there are some mothers who are doing all the things alone with no partner or family members to help. And stress tends to pile up pretty quickly when a mother has to juggle everything on their own. There’s an invisible load that mothers carry that goes unnoticed in the depths of pain and exhaustion that exist internally for mothers. Nobody will ever really know how much mothers struggle with because of the societal expectation that mothers should just “push through” the hard times.
Loneliness
Loneliness can show up in different ways throughout motherhood. I know in my experience, it was definitely maternity leave when I felt the loneliest. Let me set the record straight by saying that maternity leave is not a paid vacation. Becoming a new mom is undeniably the toughest time for a mothers mental health because everything changes in an instant. You’re freshly out of the hospital trying to physically recover after delivering your baby. You’re left alone at home with this tiny, beautiful human being feeling clueless about how to take care of your baby let alone trying to take care of yourself. And motherhood can feel like a very lonely and isolating place to be in especially if you had a complicated birthing experience or you don’t have enough social or emotional support. In my experience, the postpartum period felt lonely because I didn’t have anyone to relate too about my challenges or my anxieties. And every time I tried to reach out to a distress hotline there were long waiting times. So when access to support is a barrier, feelings of loneliness become amplified because when moms are actively seeking out help which is not a very common thing we’re not able to get the help we need.
There is a Rainbow After the Storm
After reading all of this you're probably thinking well damn motherhood sounds like such a nightmare! In all honesty, I know this much is true. Motherhood is hard, but it doesn’t discount the intense love you have for your children. Motherhood is also enriched with heart warming everyday ordinary moments, where your child’s smile, a tight hug, or an “I love you mom” transforms your mood. If I could go back and change anything, I don’t think I would because I’m starting to embrace my own humanity. There are days where I feel like giving up, where I feel defeated. But there are so many other moments where the time with my family are the happiest moments of my life. And it’s in those moments I cherish and remember most because motherhood is such a precious privilege to be blessed with.
